


Onion Girl

by Asteroid_Panda



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, F/M, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Mind Reading, Mutant, Mutant Reader, Reader-Insert, Self Harm, depressed reader, good ending, reader - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-20
Updated: 2019-03-23
Packaged: 2019-11-26 13:41:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18181340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Asteroid_Panda/pseuds/Asteroid_Panda
Summary: Bucky is frustrated with Y/N and her constant singing. But when he confronts her about it things take a turn that he does not expect. Will he be able to fix his mess?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So later in this story the reader turns to self harm to control some off her powers. Obviously this is not the way to do things and if you are hurting yourself please seek any kind of help you can get.
> 
> Onion Girl- Holly Cole

Bucky was beyond irritated at this point. It irritated him that he was irritated honestly. He was irritated because of Y/N. He was irritated because he could always hear her singing or humming to a tune playing on her phone. Bucky was irritated at how lovely her voice was and how he longed to hear it every day and whenever she was in a room he could hear her singing if she wasn't talking to someone. It was all just so... irritating.

 

He didn't understand why it irritated him. Maybe it was because of the way her lips would form the words so perfectly. Maybe it was the way her voice could soothe any ache he had, body or mind. Maybe it was the way she always looked so at peace when she was singing. Maybe it was the way she mostly only sung Ed Sheeran songs and made them sound even more heart filled and loving than Ed himself did. Whatever it was, it was grating on Bucky's nerves.

 

It was a rainy Sunday when Bucky couldn't contain his irritation any longer. Y/N was in what they all used as the living room, working on a puzzle, seeing that she had time off for the first time in forever. A steaming cup of tea next to her as she sat crossed legged on the floor in front of the large coffee table. The puzzle was a large image of a dragon and a fairy. It was beautiful and cute and mystical like Y/N and her voice, Bucky thought to himself as he entered the living room, his own cup of tea in his hand and book in the other.

    

Bucky moved to the seat near the floor length windows hoping, ~~but not really~~ , to drown out the sound of Y/N singing by using the heavy downpour outside. Y/N had looked up and smiled at him as he entered only to receive the customary scowl Bucky always gave her. Oddly enough, Y/N always smiled and said 'hi' even with every scowl he gave her. How can she just smile and act like everything is okay when she drives him crazy? Her voice is constantly in his head, the image of her body swaying to the beat, her lips moving, the lips he so ~~longed for~~ hated. She was constantly in his mind and it was just so irritating. He opened his book, a book about how motorcycles have improved over the years, and almost melted into the seat.

 

2 hours. That is how long Y/N had been singing her stupid Ed Sheeran songs. 2 hours of pure ~~heaven~~ torture on Bucky's poor ears and he had finally had enough. He slammed his book shut and stood up stalking over to loom over Y/N. Y/N had jumped at the sudden movement. She had been enjoying the quiet time with Bucky and was unaware something was amiss.

 

"Why?" Bucky practically growled out.

 

"Why what Bucky?" Y/N asked softly, alarmed at his sudden hostility towards her.

 

"Why do you always have to sing? Why do you always have to sing that stupid British guy's songs on top of that? Why do you have to sing or hum all the time?! It's so irritating all the time. And plus it makes me feel, it makes me feel, AHG I don't know but it's annoying and always there." Bucky's voice was raising with each question. "Why can't you just stop and be quiet for one damn second?!"

 

Silence. There was utter silence throughout the room. Finally silence graced Bucky's ears. But why was the silence so unsettling to him now? This was all he wanted, for her to stop singing whatever stupid song she had been singing and suddenly he missed the sound. The silence was like a slap in his face but being the stubborn ass he is, didn't apologize.

 

"I-I-I-" Y/N tripped over her tongue but shook her head, beads of unshed tears threatening to break loose. Y/N stood and made to walk out after saying "Sorry, it won't happen again."

 

"Hey little Sparrow- oh whoa" Sam said walking into the living room passing a retreating Y/N. Y/N had bummed and pushed past Sam when he tried to stop her. "What's up with her?" Sam furrowed his brows and looked to Bucky for an explanation.

 

"I yelled at her" Bucky mumbled looking towards the ground.

 

"What?" Sam asked angrily, confirming to Bucky just how much he had screwed up. "Why the hell would you yell at her. Man, that girl is nothing but sweet to you and you yell at her. What the hell?"

 

"She just wouldn't stop singing. It is always in my head Sam. Her voice is always singing in my head and I just needed a moment of silence. Even when she isn't near me I can still picture her and almost hear her voice. She never leaves my head and I just needed a minute man. Y/N sat here and sang for 2 hours straight! 2 hours Sam! Who the hell sings for 2 hours? Why does she always have to sing?" Bucky was pacing running his hands through his hair as Sam gave him a judgmental look, arms crossed and a grimace prominent on his face.  

 

"God you are a major dick you know that!" Sam shouts getting up in Bucky's face, catching Bucky off guard and stumbling onto the couch. "A grade-A douche bag. We all deal with trauma, stress, and issues in a different way. Y/N needs to have something playing all the time so she doesn't let her mind wonder. If she lets it wonder, she loses herself to the darkness in that pretty head. Not only does she have to deal with the horrors she's seen but also everyone else's too."

 

"Wait what do you mean 'everyone else's'?" Bucky looked up at Sam confused.

 

"God you really are the world's biggest fucking jackass of all time you know that!? How do you not know!?" Sam all but snarled at him. "She is a telepath you dick. Not to mention she picks up pieces of people's thoughts, dreams, and emotions even if she doesn't want to. Especially those who are shit at hiding how they feel and project their negativity to the world. Y/N sings to keep her radar occupied. To keep from trespassing, even if she doesn't mean to. She sings because her voice can induce emotions, singing around us to help calm and sooth our aches and pains. Y/N sings because she wants to and who the fuck do you think you are to ask her to stop doing something she wants to do!" Sam was yelling so loud now that a few others had made their way into the living room as well.

 

Bucky looks around at his teammates stunned. "W-Why? Why wasn't I told about this?" Bucky splutters out, now realizing he actually loved listening to Y/N. He didn't hate it, he loved it. He just didn't understand why he wanted it so much, why he needed it and it made him mad and scared. Feelings were something new to Bucky, things he couldn't control. Bucky needed to be in control. Y/N made him feel anything but control. He lost himself in her and that scared him shitless.

 

"She didn't want you to know Buck" Steve says calmly. "Y/N had a feeling that if you knew about her powers, that you wouldn't want to be around her. That you would try to _protect_ her from yourself. That's the last thing she wanted. Y/N just wanted to help you Buck, she wanted to calm you in any way she could. She wasn't trying to irritate you, swear."

 

"But if I had known-" Bucky starts but Sam scoffs and makes to leave before Bucky grabs onto his friend's arm. "If I had known, I would have understood why I feel so odd around her. It would have explained why she is always on my mind and why her voice is so comforting and makes me feel at ease. Why my control on the situation seems to disappear when she sings. I would have understood what was going on!" Bucky pleads.

 

"I don't know Tin Man." Tony says sarcastically. "Sounds like you couldn't handle your little crush on our songbird and took it out on her because you were just too chicken shit to do anything about it." Tony shrugged. "That or just too stupid."

 

"Tony" Steve warned, not wishing to rile up Bucky any more than he already was.

 

"I don't have a stupid crush on her, jackass." Bucky spat. But maybe he did. Maybe that was why he always thought about Y/N and her spellbinding voice and her succulent lips and her perfect body that seemed to be made just to excite him and her witty comments and her sparkling eyes that even stars envied and- "Oh my god I do." Bucky whispers looking at Steve confused.       

 

"Way to go prick! Way to make your crush know you like her and want to spend time with her. Oh wait! You just told her the EXACT FUCKING OPPOSITE!" Sam screams. "I don't give a shit if you liked her or not, Y/N is a teammate and you don't say shit like that to a teammate. Don't even think about coming near her until she says you can. Don't talk to her, don't look at her, don't even be in the same goddamn room as her you hear me! Y/N has helped your sorry ass more than you realize. You remember saying how your nightmares have died down? Yeah Y/N's been taking them in your place exchanging her own for yours. You remember when you had a panic attack on a fucking mission 2 months ago and you were able to pull through and finish? Guess who was pulling the panic away. Yup Y/N. You remember what Y/N first said to you cause I sure as hell do. She said, 'Mr. Barnes you look like you could use a hug or some booze. Maybe both!' And you remember what you said. Nothing, you said nothing! Y/N has shown you nothing but love and support and yet you think you have the right to tell her to stop doing something as silly as singing. Something you don't understand. I am done with your shit! That girl deserves better than you." Sam walked out after his speech, leaving the room shook. 

 

Bucky shook most of all. "I didn't understand." Bucky drops his head ashamed at his anger. "I was scared, I wasn't in control" Bucky looks at Steve almost like he's begging Steve to forgive him.

 

Steve just shook his head disappointed in his friend's actions. "I'm not the one you need to tell that to Bucky."

 

Bucky could feel the disappointment rolling off his team members. Unable to handle the emotions going through the room, he stood up straight and excused himself from the room, locking himself in his own.

  

* * *

 

 

After the confrontation, Y/N made sure to stay out of any room the Bucky was in. She was quiet, only speaking when spoken to, and instantly left the room when Bucky entered. She even stopped singing all together. Y/N not singing had caused the whole tower to acquire a tense atmosphere. Bucky was coming to realize just how much help Y/N had been doing not only for him but for everyone.

           

It had been about a week of this tomb-like silence. Bucky walked into the gym to find Sam and Y/N sparing. Sam had become attached by the hip to Y/N after Bucky lost it. The second Bucky walked through the door Y/N seized up and wasn't able to block the kick that was coming towards her ribs.

           

The air left Y/N's lungs and she doubled over. "Fuck Y/N! Are you okay sweetheart?" Sam said quickly and went to the girl's side but not before sending Bucky a glare.

           

"I'm fine Sam, you know I've taken worse. Just surprised is all. Good match, Sammy. I'm gonna hit the showers though. Good day." Y/N bowed her head and was almost out the door before Bucky could react.

           

"Wait please!" Bucky cried out. Y/N only looked at him with a small smile, shook her head and left.

           

"Great thanks for that" Sam sneered at Bucky.

           

Bucky understood why Y/N had been avoiding him but he had grown tired of Sam being a complete ass. "You know I didn't mean to distract her! What is your problem? I get I fucked up but I want to fix it. But until she lets me talk to her, I can't. I ain't gonna force her. I'm sorry I hurt your precious girlfriend but I'm trying to fix it okay!" Bucky couldn't help himself, a sudden fit of jealousy overwhelming him when he heard Sam call her 'sweetheart'.

           

"First off, fuck you James!" Sam spat at Bucky. "Second she's not my girlfriend you fucking jealous asshole. I'm the one who recruited her for the team. She didn't want to be here but I talked her into it. Told her she would have a family and a safe place here. The only reason she is here is because of me! So hell yeah I'm gonna take it personally when another teammate attacks her." Sam's nostrils flared like an angry bull.

           

Bucky stilled. "Sam, I didn't know. I didn't know anything. You're right I'm an idiot and am maybe being sort of a jealous asshole, fully knowing I have no right to be. I majorly fucked up Sam and I am so sorry." Bucky looked at Sam only to see Sam still glaring at him with arms crossed. "Look man, this isn't easy for me! I'm really trying here! A little help from a friend would be great right now!" Bucky ran a hand through his hair in frustration. When Sam didn't reply, Bucky threw his arms up in exasperation and turned to leave.

           

"She leaves the room whenever you enter because if she can't sing or at least hum, she will see and hear your thoughts. She doesn't want to invade your mind but it is hard when you are so open with it. Y/N believes you hate her for her powers and wants to keep you from hating her anymore than you already do. If she were able to bond with you, she could get better control over it but she is too afraid to be close to you now. Fix it Barns" Sam says with an authoritative tone and leaves the gym, leaving Bucky alone with these words.           

           

Bucky was a little surprised that Sam had actually gave him some advice. He stood in the middle of the gym when he finally heard it. The one thing, the single voice, the sole wave of vibrations he had so longed to hear. Y/N singing.

 

* * *

           

Y/N entered the showers as fast as she could to keep from bothering Bucky. She had tried so hard, _so hard,_ to be helpful and kind and loving to the man. All she wanted to do was help. Y/N thrived off the feeling of being helpful, it's all she ever wanted to do. When Sam first approached her, Y/N had been unsure but after some sweet talk she finally caved.

           

 _I mean really though, who can say no to that silly toothy grin he has. Makes my heart melt every time. How could you not want to help the guy._ Y/N wanted to help people after all, what better way than to be an Avenger.

           

But alas, she was unable to help at all. No one had ever said anything about her singing before so she thought nobody minded. How wrong she had been. Of course they would hate it, everyone always did. It was the safest way to keep her mind distracted from overhearing other minds. There were other ways which were technically easier but apparently Steve did not approve of jabbing yourself with a pen every time a thought that wasn't your own wormed its way in. Steve made this opinion **very** vocal, saying that if anyone saw her doing this was to inform him instantly telling her that she would be placed on leave until she sought out help. So she switched coping methods, one that had always been ridiculed and hated by anyone she was with. Singing.

           

However as Bucky had finally voiced everyone's thoughts on her horrible singing, switching tactics was needed once again. Y/N sang when she could but mainly it was back to using pain as a distraction. As her time passed with the Avengers, going on several missions Y/N had learned that the more pain she was in, the less her powers worked. This was an oddity to many who had had experience with powers. Normally when under great stress or pain, power increased. What a surprise that of course, _of course_ Y/N had to be different. A freak among freaks.

           

So this time, realizing that desperate measures needed to take place, an actual knife was used instead and instead of a pen. The pain was able to last a couple hours. Hours that were spent in front of others. When eating or training or meetings, Y/N would be wearing long sleeves and jeans to hide any evidence. When those were not taking place, Y/N retreated to her room. Safe from minds.

           

Wanda had tried to help but Y/N refused to be a bother claiming nothing would help. Wanda was unable to read Y/N but had a feeling of what she was doing to herself. Wanda became cold to Bucky after the first day of Y/N's self-exile.

           

As Y/N peeled off her sweaty sports shirt (longs sleeves of course) and long leggings, she was thinking about all these things wondering if she should even continue to be here or not. "Hey Friday, could you play my shower songs please?" Y/N asked stepping under the hot gush of water.

           

"Of course, Miss Y/N. You should go to the med-bay afterwards to check your ribs as well as get your wounds cleaned." Friday says matter-of-factly.

           

"Thank you Friday" Y/N said. She could have sworn she heard the A.I. sigh before starting her song.

* * *

 

            _I'm a bit unstable, she said_  
With a Cheshire grin  
So many cracks in my sidewalk, boy  
Don't you fall in. 

           

Bucky knew he shouldn't intrude but these were communal showers so he was _technically_ allowed in. He honestly just wanted to talk to her. The music and her voice had drowned out the sound of the shower. Or at least that's what he would say in his defense. He knew that was a shit excuse.

 

            _Feels like the things that I've wanted_  
The most in this life  
I can't have  
So you see I've been damning the world  
Before it damns me 

           

Bucky was standing on the other side of the shower wall, listening. Her voice soothed his soul as lame as it sounded. However the song is what caught his attention. It was soft and smooth, filled with longing but also a hint of sadness like everything was hopeless. Or maybe pointless?

 

            _She said I'm naked and shameless_  
And I'm peeling back the layers  
Like an onion girl 

_Don't try to save me_  
Just stay away  
'Cause I might make you cry  
Like an onion girl  
Like an onion girl 

That's an odd thing to call yourself. That seems like the exact opposite of what Y/N is. Is this how she feels? Bucky didn't understand.

 

 _Second grade playground_  
I still haven't the nerve  
Fear is under my skin  
Like St. Anthony's fire  
And I can't stand the burn  
Yeah 

           

Bucky hears a crack in her voice and can't help but think it isn't from water getting in her mouth.

 

            _So let's break a little bread, have a little laugh_  
I haven't laughed for a while  
'Cause it's a long road back, yes  
From the womb tonight 

           

Bucky can't remember the last time he heard her beautiful laugh. He did remember that it was because of him that she wasn't laughing though.

 

_I'm naked, shameless_  
And peeling back the layers  
Like an onion girl 

_Don't try to save me_  
Just stay away  
'Cause I might make you cry, yes  
Like an onion girl  
Like an onion girl 

           

There was a pause in the song and Bucky heard a sob escape Y/N. Muffled as if she didn't want anyone to hear. Bucky had found he was crying too. He wasn't sure if it was Y/N letting her own feelings escape into the atmosphere or Bucky letting himself _actually_ _feel_ again. Either way he was okay with it. He was okay with feeling. With feeling anything as long as it had to do with Y/N.

_She said I'm naked, shameless_  
And I'm peeling back the layers  
Like an onion girl 

_Don't try to save me_  
Just stay away  
'Cause I might make you cry  
Like an onion girl 

           

Suddenly there was a hiss of a sharp breath coming from Y/N followed by a groan. The AI just as suddenly started talking. "Miss Y/N your wounds seem to be infected, you really must go to med-bay this time."

           

Wounds? Med-bay? _This time_? What was Friday talking about, none of them had been on missions for at least 2 weeks and Y/N had been sparring with Sam, no weapons. How could a wound get infected by that? The song kept playing but Y/N responded to the AI "It's fine Friday, I don't need to bother anyone more than I already have. Besides you know why I don't... I can't..." Y/N trailed off. "I can't let them hear me. This is the best why I can stay out of the way. No one has to listen and I can still help on missions."

           

"Are you trying to convince me or yourself Miss Y/N?" the AI quipped. "How do you plan to help if you lose an arm or leg to infection?"

           

Y/N has the audacity to chuckle. "You really are a product of Mr. Stark aren't you?"

           

"Is that a compliment or an insult Miss Y/N? Either way I'll take it as a compliment."

           

"Yup, definitely Tony's."

           

The water shut off and Bucky suddenly remembered where he was. Then the panic started to rise. The only way out of the showers would lead right past his poor hiding spot and there was no way he could get out fast enough without being spotted. Maybe he could hide in one of the lockers. Oh fuck. Oh Fuck. OH FUCK.          

           

Another gasp from Y/N followed by a soft. "Oh no."

           

 _Man_ _I really need to think quieter thoughts_ , Bucky couldn't help but think as he realized Y/N had _heard_ him. He heard an actual giggle this time and smiled a small smile.

           

"So this is awkward" Bucky said out loud. "Sorry I didn't mean to, um well, I'm not sure what you'd call this but I'm sorry about it none the less" Bucky chuckled at his awful apology.

           

"It's okay. I'm sorry I was in the shower so long. Generally this place never gets used so sometimes I come here to shower. It's a lot more open. More space to move around." Y/N paused "I don't know why I told you that, sorry."

           

"No doll, please do go on. I'm curious as to what sort of activity you would be doing in the shower which would require so much room" Bucky said with a smirk that Y/N could literally hear in his words.

           

"Well now you just make it sound naughty" Bucky licked his lips and bit down at the sultry way the word 'naughty' rolled off her tongue.

           

A silence fell between them when Bucky stated "I don't hate your power. Or you Y/N." More silence. "Doll?"

           

Y/N walked around the corner and faced Bucky blankly. She had a large Y/F/C towel wrapped around her body, clutching where the two ends meet holding it in place. Bucky forgot how to breath. It had been so long since he was face to face with her and now he was. The way the towel hugged her body and the way her hair was gaining a slight wave due to the air drying it, it was goddess like. Bucky couldn't stop his eyes racking over her body, her perfect body, Y/N's body. He was pulled from his shameless gaze when he noticed the cuts that littered your body, wincing in sympathy and shame. Bucky knew why those where there and knew he was the reason behind it.

           

"But I thought you couldn't stand me?" Y/N asks sheepishly.

           

"I didn't understand what you could do and what you were doing. I didn't understand why whenever I was around you I felt normal again. Like I was okay and could relax. And that freaked me out. As good as you were making me feel, it felt like I was losing control. I wasn't in control and didn't know why. It didn't help that you're in my thoughts every damn second of every damn day Y/N. I was relating everything back to you and I wanted you with me, craved your being beside me. I didn't understand that feeling either. You just make me lose all control and like the jackass that Sam keeps reminding me I am, I took all this confusion and exploded on you." Bucky gulped and closed the distance between them. Gently, Bucky placed his hands on Y/N's arms careful of the injuries and continued, staring straight into Y/N's Y/C eyes. "Y/N I am so sorry. I never want to spend another day knowing that you were upset because of me. That you began to doubt your ability to help because of my stupid actions. I am so sorry that I took my fear out on you and made you question your worth to the team, hell the whole damn building. It's like a cloud of gloom has spread over the place and everyone knows it's because your voice is gone. Voice as smooth as warm honey and as heavenly as if you were an angel from above sent to us lame humans. Please don't ever keep your voice from me, from anyone else, ever again. I am so fucking sorry."

           

Y/N's eyes had gone comically wide while Bucky gave his heartfelt speech. Y/N could feel his sincerity through both his words and his thoughts. All this time while she had been doing everything in her power to keep from learning Bucky's thoughts, she had missed the way he truly felt about her. For a psychic, he felt kind of dumb if she were to be honest.

           

"Bucky, I-" without warning, all colour from Y/N's face disappeared. "Bucky, I don't feel well." collapsing forward, straight into Bucky's startled and panicked arms.     


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky faces the consequences of his unintentional actions

Panic. That was all Bucky was able to feel as she fell limp into his embrace. "Y/N!? Y/N?!! Hey come on now, this ain't funny. I said sorry. Don't you do this to me!" Bucky was shouting as he picked up Y/N bridal style. "Fuck Y/N come on!"

           

"Bucky!" Natasha yelled as she ran into the locker room. When she first heard Bucky yelling and saying Y/N's name, she thought he had finally snapped and was forcing Y/N to talk to him. What she found was so much worse. "What the fuck did you do to her!" Natasha screams running up to place a small hand on Y/N's cheek.

           

"She was singing and I was listening and she noticed me and I talked and said sorry and other things and then she- she just passed out! Natasha what do we do!?" Bucky rambled breathlessly with fear in his eyes.

           

"We take her to med bay you fucking moron come on!" Natasha growled as she marched off, Bucky right on her heels.

           

As the pair made their way to the med bay, Natasha's glare keeping on lookers at bay, Bucky felt like he was dying inside. _She wouldn't be unconscious if she hadn't let her wounds get infected. She wouldn't have let her wounds get infected if she had them treated. She_ would _have had them treated if she wasn't hiding them. She wouldn't have been hiding them if she was felt safe to use her other form of control over her power. She_ would _have felt safe if you hadn't been a blinded love sick fucking asshole_. Y/N was in this state because of him. Bucky knew it, Natasha knew it, hell, everybody knew it. Bucky had done the one thing he never wanted to do again. He hurt an innocent person, someone who was pure and wholesome. Bucky had let his soiled soul affect Y/N's which was so pure, it seemed to shine through the ends of her hair and fingernails.

           

Bucky hadn't even realized they had made it to the med bay until someone was trying to take Y/N from his arms. Instinctively he clutched Y/N closer to his chest until he saw who was reaching for her. It was Bruce, an odd look on his face. It seemed to be a mix of anger, pity and worry. Reluctantly Bucky was releasing his grip on Y/N. The next thing Bucky knew, his arms where empty and cold.

           

"Is she going to be okay?" Natasha asked as Bruce placed Y/N on a bed. The way Bruce was handling the girl was concerning in and of itself. Bruce acted as if the slightest wrong movement was made, if someone so much as breathed in the wrong direction, Y/N would shatter, fall apart with no hopes of repair.

           

Bruce looked up at Natasha, briefly glaring at Bucky. "I don't know. She obviously has a dangerously high fever but I'm not really a medical doctor. I'll start hooking up an IV and start some preliminary tests until the actual doctor can get here. I need you both to go to the waiting area please." When neither Natasha or Bucky moved, Bruce mumbled, "Now before I actually get really, really, _really_ angry."

           

Hearing the slightest note of the big green guy, both left as fast as they could. Bucky collapsed in a chair in the waiting area, wrapping his arms around his middle and folding in on himself. He looked pitiful, like a sick puppy who was just kicked. Natasha clicked her tongue with an annoyed roll of her eyes before saying, "I need to let the others know of what's happened." When Bucky's only reply was no reply at all, Natasha walked off making sure to click her heels with every step.     

           

_What if she dies because of this? What if she dies and it's all your fault? More innocent blood on your hands and you knew exactly what you were doing the whole time. No Winter Solider to fall back on this time. No. This was 100% James Barnes. You killed her. You killed Y/N. You might as well have been the one who was placing the knife on that radiant skin. This is all because of you. You. YOU!_

Bucky hadn't realized he was screaming until Steve was shaking him violently. Bucky had gone into almost a trance, both hands fisted in his hair pulling so hard he was surprised it was still attached. "Buck you need to calm down! Breath damnit! Pull yourself together" Steve was shouting.

           

When he finally stopped screaming, Bucky switched to sobbing. Steve was at a loss as to what to do, just like everyone else. Natasha had gotten Tony, Steve, Sam, Wanda, and Clint. Much to everyone's surprise, Sam was the one who sat down in the chair across from Bucky. "Hey." Sam said. "Hey!" Sam said a little louder this time shoving Bucky's shoulder. Everyone gasped figuring Sam had lost his mind and was about to be torn apart by Bucky in his hysteric state. "What happened when I left the gym? What happened after we talked?" Sam was speaking in a firm, not-going-to-take-bullshit voice but at the same time was nonthreatening. 

           

"I heard her singing from the locker rooms and I just kinda ended up in there listening" Bucky said, voice laced with the shame he felt. Sam seemed to want to punch Bucky already but clenching his jaw nodded for Bucky to continue. "She was singing and then she sort of gasped out in pain and then Friday was telling her she needed to go to med bay this time since her wounds were infected. I got lost in thought, confused on how she could have gotten those wounds when the shower stopped and I suddenly realized that I was in a horrible position and was just being a horrible person once again."

           

"At least he realized it" grumbled Natasha. Nobody defended Bucky.

           

"Y/N must have heard me or something cause she realized I was there. I said I was sorry for listening in on her in the shower of all places and told her I didn't hate her and apologized a whole bunch. Then Y/N walked out with that towel wrapped around her and I lost all thought process and words just sort of came out of my mouth. When I had apologized for the 100th time and told her what I was really feeling and why I lashed out and that I was just scared, she started to say something but then fainted. I started yelling and then Nat came in and here we are."

           

Bucky was looking only at Sam the whole time he was talking. It was like Bucky was talking to no one other than Sam at that moment. Bucky needed Sam to understand that he was trying to fix the shit show he had created. He needed Sam to know that he didn't do anything to Y/N. Bucky needed Sam to understand that if Y/N died, Bucky knew it was solely because of him.

           

There was silence after Bucky finished his explanation. It was Tony who spoke next. "Friday did you know about Y/N's condition?"

           

"Yes sir." the AI replied.

           

"And you told no one because why exactly?" Tony ground out.

           

"Miss Y/N forbid me to say anything using an alpha-alpha protocol to prevent me from letting anyone know. Miss Y/N had said it was the most efficient way to keep her powers in check and would not hinder her performance. However it appears that in order to keep her self-inflected harm unnoticed to anyone, she only wore clothes that covered her entirely. Doing so even when working out and having to be in them for extended periods of time caused infection in many of her cuts. Y/N treated them but because of her continued behavior they did not heal, only becoming worse. I had advised her hourly to go to seek medical attention but she ignored me." There was a short pause. "I'm sorry boss"

           

"Well shit" Tony sighed falling into a seat one away from Bucky. "Never occurred to me that a member would be purposely hurting themselves. I suppose it would be an easy thing to create a program to prevent Friday from telling anyone seeing as that I never thought to make anything remotely similar like that in her programming." Tony stood up paced for about 30 seconds before kicking one of the chairs. "Fuck!"

           

"Tony you couldn't have-" Steve starts but Tony cuts him off.

           

"No I could have Steve! My tech doesn't fail anyone! It doesn't fail my consumers and it sure as hell doesn't fail my goddamn team member!" Tony was raging. "It can't fail Steve because if it fails than I fail the team! I can't fail this team! You guys are all I've got!" Tony froze on the spot when he realized what he had said. He quickly turned his back to everyone's shocked gaze. "I'll be in my workshop. No one disturb me until there is news on Y/N" and with that he was gone.

           

"Wow." Clint whistled when Tony was gone. "I knew he felt that way but never in a million years did I think I would actually hear the words from his mouth. Or well, you know, see the words come from his mouth."

           

Bucky had regained a little of his sanity back managing to say, "Yeah and all it took was for me to kill one of our own teammates."

           

"Buck she ain't dead." Sam said sternly.

           

"Not yet. You didn't see her when she collapsed. Y/N is going to die because of a stupid infected wound because I'm a damn idiot who didn't understand he could still have feelings for another person!" Bucky stood up, yelling.

           

"She. Ain't. Gonna. Die!" Sam yelled right back.

           

Bruce entered the waiting room with a look of irritation on his face. "This is a goddamn waiting room for the hospital area of the building. You assholes want to keep it down!"

           

Both Bucky and Sam stopped and turned to see a weary looking Bruce enter and sit down, placing his head in his hands. The two men glanced at each other and looked back to Bruce. "So," Sam started. Bruce held up a hand signaling he needed a minute.

           

"Y/N is stable for the moment but..." Bruce trailed off seeming to be thinking hard

           

"But what!?" Bucky cried as he fell to his seat once more.

           

"The infection she has is a bad one. A real bad one. Like staph infection bad." The whole room shuddered. "We have antibiotics in her system now but that can only do so much for so long. It's looking like her best bet would be to remove the infected areas entirely and replace them with a skin grafts but it's very possible that the infection would spread to the newly opened wound and infect the new skin. Right now we have her in a medically induced coma just until we can get her fever down to under 100. Should be a day or so and then we can wake her up. Until then we have her in ICU." Bruce sighed again and placed his head back in his hands.

           

Wanda was the first to speak. "When you say like staph infection bad, are you saying it is staph? Wouldn't that mean we all need to be checked."

           

Bruce shook his head again. "No it's not staph, just similar in how aggressive it is. This seems to have been growing for a few days now and since no one else has shown any symptoms we don't believe it's contagious. We can check you if that would make you feel more comfortable." Bruce said with a small smile.

           

"No if that is the case then I believe you and your team." Wanda returned the attempt of a smile.

           

"What do we do now?" Steve asked the million dollar question.

           

"We do the only thing we can do. We wait" Bruce said straight-faced.           

 

   

* * *

        

 

 It had been 3 days since Y/N fainted. It had also been 3 days since Bucky had left Y/N's side. Even when he couldn't be in the room, he waited right outside, pacing and pulling at his hair. At this rate he wouldn't need that haircut that Steve kept bugging him to get. He would be bald by the time Y/N woke up.

           

Steve and Sam had come to visit today. Bucky had his head in another book all the while his flesh hand holding onto Y/N's on her hospital bed. Bucky had gone through 10 books in the past 3 days, requesting Steve to just bring him any book he could find since Bucky refused to leave the hospital ward.

           

"Hey punk any news?" Steve said as he closed the door and sat on the other side of the bed at his now designated chair.

           

Bucky shook his head. "No none. Same as yesterday. Her fever is gone so they took her out of the coma but she hasn't woken up yet. Bruce says she'll wake on her own but..." Bucky couldn't finish has he gazed longingly at the beautiful woman on the bed.

           

"We passed Bruce in the hallway. Has he stopped by today?" Sam asked handing Bucky a cup of black coffee as he too sat next to Steve in his own chair.

           

"Not yet." Bucky said as he took the coffee. "Thanks."

           

It was quiet, no sound except for the occasional hum of one of the many machines in the room. All three men were gazing at Y/N. "She's so pretty" Bucky mumbled.

           

Steve and Sam laughed. "She sure is Buck." Steve smiled at his friend.

           

"I can't believe I said what I said to her. How I hurt her in such a way." Bucky took his hand from hers and moved a piece of hair behind her ear delicately. "Do you think she'll ever forgive me?"

           

"Y/N's got a heart of gold Bucky I'm sure if you talk with her some more, it'll work out." Sam said with surprising encouragement.

             

"Buck she'll know if what you say is sincere or not so just be honest with her okay. Explain what is going on. Don't bottle it up." Steve smiled.

           

"God she's so damn pretty" Bucky sighed again as he let his index finger slide along her cheek. He dropped his hand back to the smaller one he had been holding earlier and began rubbing his thumb on the smooth skin. He let his mind wonder for a split second about what it would be like to have those hands on his body. Them laying against his bare chest as they both woke up in the morning, morning sun warming them through the windows.

           

"Mmm that sure is a nice thought you got going there Barnes, but not happening" Y/N groaned.

           

"Y/N!" the three yelled in surprise.

           

"Wait what do you mean? Bucky what were you thinking about?" Steve asked quickly.

           

"Nothing I guess" Bucky says dejectedly as he goes to remove his hand from Y/N's.

           

Y/N grabs hold before he can escape though and smiles at him with sleep heavy eyes. "Mmm not happening because I obviously sleep on the left side of the bed, not the right. Get your facts right then come talk to me about your day dreams." Although her words were groggy and a little slurred from the long sleep, she still managed a small smirk as her eyes twinkled with mischief.

           

"Damn Bucky. What were you thinking about?" Sam smirks.

           

"Wouldn't you like to know Sammy" Y/N quips back as she goes to sit up with a groan.

           

"Easy doll" Bucky says the moment the sound passes her lips as he helps her sit up.

           

"We'll go get Bruce and the doctor." Steve said as he drug Sam with him out the door.

           

A few silent moments passed between the two that were left in the room. "I'm glad you're awake." Bucky finally says.

           

"Thank you." Y/N says softly. "And thank you for staying with me the whole time." Bucky looks at Y/N surprised. "Ha, yeah. I could feel you here with me the whole time. It was comforting. Like your presence always has been for me. Comforting." Y/N smiles shyly.

           

"Oh doll, I am so sorry. This is all because of me." Bucky traces some healing wounds along Y/N's arm with his metal hand. The action sends shivers up Y/N's spine in the best possible way.

           

"Well, yes that sort of is true, in a way. I should have handled it differently but yes it was your outburst that triggered me." Bucky hung his head in shame. "But," Y/N started back up as she cupped Bucky's cheek and raised his head so she could look deep into his eyes. "I know you are sincere and truly regret your words and actions. That you were confused and scared. I should have picked that up. I should have explained myself to you. Then you wouldn't have had such an irritating time in my presence and I wouldn't have taken so much time in your thoughts."

           

"I'm pretty sure you would have occupied them one way or the other doll." Bucky gives a sly smile.

           

"Oh and why is that? Would it have anything to do with the picture of us in bed together from earlier?" Y/N smirked but was unable to stop the blush from rising in her cheeks.

           

"Oh doll, it certainly would." Bucky leaned in, Y/N's hand still holding the side of his face, as he brought his own hand up to do the same to hers.

           

"And do you really think I'm pretty?" Y/N asked shyly. She knew the answer but knowing and hearing it confirmed are two different things, at least to her they are.

           

"The prettiest dame there ever was." Bucky smiled as he placed his lips against hers. He knew he had fucked up but hopefully with time he would be able to fix the mess he made.         

 


End file.
